No More A Teenager?

Another year went by, and now I am 20. Even before I realize it I am no more a teenager. Sigh!
It has been just 3 hours since I entered 20 but I already know how much I am gonna miss my teenage days. I don't know why I am feeling like the things are going to change big time for me now (will they?). God knows what's happening in my head, may be because of lack of sleep for past so many days, thanks to my lovely exams which had to fall during my birthday.

Well there are so many memories I will take with me of my teenage years, all the new things I did, all the happiness I got and that one huge loss of my friend which I will regret for all the coming years. All the mistakes I made all the experiences I gained. All the things that I got, all the things that I missed. And most importantly all the friends that I made. From the last 7 years I will take with me the memories which will make me smile, make me laugh, make me cry and make me miss those 7 years. Why does teenage last only for 7 years? By the time we realize the fun of being a teenager we had already lived most of it.
Teenage is known as the years of being irresponsible, I have turned 20 but don't feel like the sense of responsibility will creep into me for yet some more years, though everyone's expectations will. Expectations that I should behave like a grown up, that I should take care of my time at hand, and make a future out of my present. Why can't I be a teenager all my life?

Today is not a very happy day for me, not because I have an exam in next 10 hours (for which I still need to prepare) but this is the first time as far as I remember I am so away from my friends, family and fun. Fuck these exams. This is also my first birthday staying away from family, (last year I was away, but it was a college tour and one of the best tour of my life, and was not like this, staying completely away). I know there are many more birthdays in which I will be away from my parents, but this is the first of that kind, and its not easy to deal with.

I always thought staying away from parents will be fun, no tension, no scoldings, and no Mom running behind me asking me to eat or study. And now when I got all that, I realized, I miss home. Along with no tension, no scoldings came No Fatherly Advice, No Pat on the Back, No Parent's Love (in person), and No Discussing Random things With Shanky. No sharing secrets with Mom, no listen her talking random things, and no HUGS. There are Losses more than Gain. Actually there is no long term gain what-so-ever.

Now if you have read till here, I feel I should confess to you something. Since the time I am staying alone (as paying guest in our family friend's house), I have not been taking care of myself (at all). I don't sleep on time, wake up most of the nights, then sleep the entire day and bunk college. Do nothing productive, skip meals and do utter nonsense all day. I need to improve, if I proceed in this way I know I will deteriorate in some years. Don't tell to Papa, I promise I will improve, was just not able to hand the freedom given.

Well that was about the past few days (months), and now about today, yeah my Birthday. Why am I so gloomy today? I am missing Mummy Papa, Shanky, my Friends. I am missing the fun, where Kesu, Chetan, Umesh and others would come to my house with cake at midnight. I am missing Aditya.
Dad says let the exams go by, do well in them, and you can celebrate after that. But I know it won't be the way it should have been. Will it be? And no I am not a birthday crazy jackass, but I am missing a lot of things this time.

Well I am no more a teenager now, and I should act sensibly. Yet I am here, writing this when I have an exam in some hours and I am yet to prepare.
I guess I will Never Grow Up.
The song by Bryan Adams- 18 till I die is made for me.
I know I am not a teenager but I will always behave like one.

(Happy?) Birthday to Me.